Two things happened on the same day last week (Feb 26) and I need you to appreciate the range: the FCC passed strong net neutrality (Title II, the real thing, the four-million-comments thing, the biggest internet policy win of my lifetime), and the entire planet simultaneously stopped working over a photo of a dress. White and gold or blue and black. Our office split 60/40 and got loud about it. (It’s blue and black. The lighting is doing the lying. Color constancy is the brain’s cache invalidation bug.) ...

Actual protocol news: HTTP/2 was finalized this week. The first major HTTP version since 1997 — our interns were in kindergarten. Multiplexing (many requests, one connection), header compression, server push. All those hacks I learned as “best practices,” sprite sheets, domain sharding, file concatenation, are about to become anti-patterns. Best practices have expiration dates; nobody tells you the date. (Proverbs file, entry 74.) The Apple car rumors have hit critical mass: “Project Titan,” hundreds of engineers hired from Detroit. Apple! A car! The same fortnight, Google’s self-driving pods are doing test laps. Every giant wants wheels now. My commute is a bus and a prayer, so godspeed. ...

Man United went to Cambridge United — fourth division — in the FA Cup and drew 0-0, and the discourse declared a civilizational crisis. Tuesday’s replay finished 3-0 at Old Trafford and the crisis evaporated without apology. I’ve read enough postmortems now to have a take on this: one cup tie on a cold January pitch is variance, not signal, and judging decisions purely by their single outcomes is how you learn nothing. The pundits could use a blameless review process. (Judging Van Gaal’s notebook remains fun though.) ...

Entry fifty. Two years and change of fortnightly homework. My streak is my favorite side project. SpaceX tried to land a rocket on a floating barge this month. It found the barge, then hit it at an angle and exploded, and Elon posted the crash footage himself, captioned like a bug report: “full RUD (rapid unscheduled disassembly).” A company live-tweeting its own failed test with telemetry and humor is postmortem culture at 300 feet per second. They’ll stick one this year, I’d bet the streak on it. ...

Happy 2015. The gaming world spent Christmas offline because the Lizard Squad DDoS threats turned out to be real. PSN and Xbox Live both went down on Christmas Day, right as a few million kids plugged in new consoles. Days of outage for PlayStation. A DDoS aimed at the exact hour of maximum emotional load: cruel, effective, and a reminder that attackers read calendars too. Every capacity plan should have a column called “worst possible timing.” ...

Forty-eight entries, two full years, zero missed fortnights. Retro time. World patch notes: the internet’s foundations caught fire twice (Heartbleed, Shellshock) and got funded once. Facebook bought a face computer and a messaging app for a combined $21B. Apple shipped a language, a payment system, and a bendable phone. Amazon bought Twitch and invented servers you don’t think about. Germany dropped a 7-1 that will outlive us all. A comet got landed on. A movie studio got erased over a comedy. (The Interview saga is still unfolding as I write, pulled from theaters, then un-pulled for streaming. 2014 refuses to end quietly. There are even hackers threatening the PlayStation and Xbox networks for Christmas, because gamers getting consoles need villains too apparently.) ...

Sony Pictures got hacked and it’s unlike anything I’ve followed before. Not stolen credit cards, but everything: unreleased films, executives’ emails, salary spreadsheets, employees’ SSNs, entire server images, dumped publicly by a group calling itself “Guardians of Peace.” Machines were wiped. The company reportedly fell back to fax machines and paper checks. The rumored motive is geopolitical, their upcoming movie about North Korea, which would make this a nation-state attacking a movie studio over a comedy. ...

We landed a robot on a comet. The ESA’s Philae probe, after a ten-year journey, touched down on a comet moving 84,000 mph, then its harpoons didn’t fire, it bounced twice across the comet in micro-gravity, and settled in a shadow where its solar panels can barely charge. It still sent back science before sleeping. Ten years of planning, one anchoring failure, heroic degraded-mode operation. It’s the most engineering story ever told and I’ve read every detail. ...

Hamilton won the US Grand Prix to make it five wins in a row, but the F1 title is going down to the wire in Abu Dhabi because of the weird double-points rule. Hamilton’s driving was a masterclass in controlled aggression, holding off Rosberg under extreme pressure. I’m completely hooked on this teammate rivalry. Mercedes’ dominance is real and their telemetry is the proof. The tech moment that mattered most this fortnight: Tim Cook came out as gay, in an essay, as CEO of the most valuable company on Earth. First openly gay CEO in the Fortune 500. Several coworkers had a visibly emotional day, the good kind. Representation at that altitude changes the math for a lot of people quietly doing that math. ...

Apple Pay went live Monday, in the US only, so I experienced it by proxy: a teammate on rotation at the client’s Ohio office paid for groceries with his thumb and messaged us the play-by-play. He and the cashier reportedly shared a moment of genuine wonder; the man behind them sighed, because the future is unevenly distributed and also in his way. Some pharmacy chains are actively blocking it to push their own janky QR thing (CurrentC), which is a masterclass in putting corporate strategy ahead of user experience. Prediction logged: the janky consortium app dies, the thing-that-just-works wins. ...